Achievement

So, this post is gonna be a weird one. I think. Prepare yourself, you’ll dive into my weird mind.

Lately, I kinda tired of the word “Achievement”. Not tired, actually. But it has been a burden to talk and hear about achievement. I’m tired to see people with their achievements, that might be not huge, but they did something anyway. I hate to think that I’ve got no achievement. I hate to see myself so drown in my own problems and I can’t even swim, let alone dive!

I often find my self, asking. Why a children have to be a pride to their parents? They need to do something good, be something better than the parent themselves, make them proud. Why? Why don’t let them live their life? Let them do what they think would make them happy. Instead of give them so much responsibilties to be a pride.

I’ve done too much mistakes in the past. Way too much. I’ve been broken since. And I don’t think it’s fixable. I’ve been trying to convince myself, that even if the damage is permanent, I still have a goodness in me. One thing that I really don’t think I have. 

But, the word “achievement” kick me in the face everytime I see it.

“Look at them, they gain this, they gain that blah blah blah”

So-Fuckin’-Intimidating.

I just wanna live my life without any responsibility to make someone proud. Sometimes I found myself lost in someone else’s life, jealousing about how they can live carelessly. Being wild and free. And I can’t do that. Not a bit.

Then comes a phrase “The good will be paired with the good.” It kills me every fuckin’ time I hear it. People, often confuse “good” with “great achievement”. And I guess I won’t get a chance to be “the good”. People, often confuse “good” with “flawless”. And once again, I guess I won’t get a chance to be “the good”. Cause I simply full of mistakes.

I’m tired, people. Why all of you like to show your achievements? Why?

Gosh, I’m so weird.